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5 Reasons Men Should Stop Dressing Like the Cast of ‘Mad Men’

'Mad Men' Banana Republic Collection
Banana Republic/AMC

To the delight of ‘Mad Men‘ fans everywhere, Jon Hamm, John Slattery and the rest of the cast returned to the small screen Sunday for the premiere of season 5. While we couldn’t be happier to finally get to watch Christina Hendricks try to squeeze her busting bust line into a tight dress once again, we have to face facts that this happy time also comes with the worst of times.

We’re referring of course to the dreaded ‘Mad Men’ collection for Banana Republic.

We get that its purpose is to try and get more guys to wear better clothes, but it just encourages non-style-conscious men to poorly dress exactly like their favorite characters and we want to punch them in the face when we see it happening.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Wearing Fedoras = Becoming a D-Bag

dressing like 'Mad Men' - fedora
AMC/ricky.montalvo, Flickr

You see Jon Hamm walking down the street on your TV screen straightening his brown fedora or pork pie hat, and you have yourself a ‘Mean Girls’ (yes, ‘Mean Girls’) moment and go, “I saw Jon Hamm wearing a suit and a fedora, so I bought a suit and a fedora.”

Okay, hate to break this to you, but here’s the reality – 90 percent of guys can’t pull off these hats. Hey, we’re not mathematicians, but that’s the number. It’s fine to wear them every so often — like once every four years — but when you get the idea that it makes you look cool and mysterious, you then start turning into one of those d-bags who wears a fedora with his sweat pants.

‘Mad Men’ Glasses

dressing like 'Mad Men' - glasses
AMC/keeeeegan, Flickr

First of all, they’re not called “‘Man Men’ glasses.” The term your searching for is either wayfarers or tortoise-rimmed frames. Not “’Mad Men’ glasses.”

And second of all, glasses are not magic. Whoever put this idea in everybody’s heads needs to be locked away. They’re not kick-ass ‘Inspector Gadget’-type devices that’ll automatically make you look cooler. Don’t wear them for the sake of wearing them ’cause someone might get annoyed enough to casually grab them off your face and smash them. (Hint: it’ll be one of us.)

What’s With All the Damn Bow Ties?

dressing like 'Mad Men' - bow ties
AMC/sebrenner, Flickr

Doesn’t it seem like every guy now wears a bow tie? We blame ‘Mad Men’ (of course) and stylist Brad Goreski. Though he’s a fine example of someone who knows how to wear the crap out of a bow tie and make it look good, he — and this is important — has been wearing them for years. He didn’t watch a scene with Rich Sommer’s character and hustle to the nearest Target to pick up one of those poser clip-ons.

Our outlook is this – if you know how to tie a “real” bow tie, then you deserve to wear one. Chances are if you know how, then you know how to pull it off. Otherwise step away.

Martinis

dressing like 'Mad Men'
AMC/ricky.montalvo, Flickr

Something happens when you put on a suit, lace up your oxfords, straighten your tie and slap on a fedora. We don’t know what it is, but chance are that once you look like one of John Slattery’s stunt doubles you’ll want to pour yourself a martini. Come on, guys! Not even James Bond drinks martini’s anymore. Plus, if you’re drinking one at your favorite sports bar, no chick will be impressed by your “exquisite” tastes. Trust us, we’ve tried this tactic already.

‘Mad Men’ Parties

'Mad Men' Party
SanFranAnnie, Flickr

So, you’ve bought up every piece of clothing you could fit in a shopping bag from the Banana Republic ‘Mad Men’ collection. Now get ready for the slew of ‘Mad Men’ party invites (i.e. the only opportunity to show off your new threads).

You will be smooshed together with tons of other ’60s-obsessed TV fans to sip martinis and talk about the show. Though you might be thinking that this is a good place to pickup your very own Christina Hendricks look-a-like, let us spear that idea out of your mind right now. Girls at these gatherings only care about telling everyone their outfits are vintage even though you saw them at the same store you were just at and getting blitzed watching ‘Mad Men.’ Is that what you really want?

Nick Romano is a former personal shopper/stylist-turned writer and video game fanatic, so you should trust his judgment when it comes to impressing the ladies with your style swagger. Bottom line, end of story. Follow him on Twitter.

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